Pleasure & Shame



There is a part of me that earnestly desires to do good and please the Lord but there is another part of me; a darker part. That part of me is unthinking. It is blindly driven by insatiable desire. Pleasure is its sole aim and at any and all costs. It is constantly scratching at the surface of my being; fighting to be freed. The flesh is consumed with lust and utterly incapable of restraining itself.

I fell. But I didn’t trip. No, Its more like I stepped off the cliff. I sinned because I chose to sin.I knew better. And now what’s done is done. Was it pleasing? Sin usually is; that’s why we’re tempted by it. Do I regret it? Immensely. I dishonored my God, disrespected my fellow human being, rubbished my Christian testimony and failed as role model. I gave way to the flesh and it ruined me. The flip side of that lite pleasure was dark shame.

Flash backs randomly remind me of the fateful night provoking heavy sighs, SMHs and face-palms. On the upside (as far as upsides go) I’ve learnt so much about temptation, lust, grace, forgiveness and faith. But there’s got to be better way to grow in wisdom than this. And there has to be a better way to get blog content.

Jesus said: “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” One must be self-aware and prayerful to see that he doesn’t fall prey to the monster within. I learned the hard way.